英文爆笑笑话

英文爆笑笑话

英文爆笑笑话1

　　：You may put my beard on again

　　A man who sold brooms went into a barber's shop to get shaved. The barber bought one of his brooms, and, when he had shaved him, asked for the price of it. "Two pence," said the man. "No, no, " said the barber, "I will give you a penny, and if you do not think that enough, you may take your broom again." The man took it, and asked what he had to pay for his shave. "A penny." said the barber. "I will give you a half-penny, and if that is not enough, you may put my beard on again." 卖扫帚的人和理发师

　　一个卖扫帚的'人去一家理发店修面.理发师向他买了一把扫帚.当理发师给他修完面后,问了一下扫帚的价钱. 卖扫帚的人说:"两便士"

　　"不,不"理发师说,"我只出一便士.如果你认为不够的话,可以把扫帚拿回去."

　　卖扫帚的人取回了扫帚,随后问修面要付多少钱. 卖扫帚的人说:"我只能给你半个便士,如果你认为不够的话,你可以把胡子再替我装上."

英文爆笑笑话2

　　Buy the ice

　　Once a simpleton’s wife told him to buy some ice.

　　Two hours later, he didn’t come back. She wanted to know why he didn’t come back and went out to have a look. She saw he was standing in the sun at the gate and watching the ice melting. “What’s the matter?” She asked him. “Why don’t you bring it in?”

　　“I saw the ice was wet and I was afraid that you would scold me so I’m running it dry.” The simpleton answered.

　　从前有一个笨人的妻子让她的'丈夫买几块冰。 两个小时后，他还没回来。

　　她想知道他为什么没回来，就出去看了看，发现她的丈夫在门口站着，在太阳下晒冰，看着冰融化。

　　她问他：“怎么啦?你为什么不把它拿进来?”

　　“我看见冰是湿的，恐怕你会训斥我，因此，我正在把它晒干。”笨人回答道。

英文爆笑笑话3

　　它们是从美国直接带来的

　　Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的'美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。

　　这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”

英文爆笑笑话4

　　Lose One Pound减掉一磅

　　I complimented one of my co-workers on having lost ten pounds. However, I couldn't resist bragging that when I was 17, 1 weighed 225 pounds and today I tip the scales at 224. 1 added, "That's not bad for a man of my age." Overhearing this, a woman remarked, "You mean to say it took you all this time to lose one pound?" 我称赞我的一个同事减肥10磅。可是，我禁不住夸耀说我17岁时，体重225磅，而目前体重是224磅。我还说：“这对我这样年龄的男子来说，是不错的`。”

　　一个女子听到了这些话，她说道：“你是说你花了这么长时间才减了1磅?”

英文爆笑笑话5

　　The doctor lives downstairs医生住在楼下

　　"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me." He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs." “医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。“我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。”

　　他从头到脚打量打量她，然后大声说：“太太，我有三件事要对你说。第一，您的体重需要减少大约50磅;第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的`美貌将会改变。第三，我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。”